Ashley

UHG! Last Night!

2005-03-26T14:30:00.000-08:00

Yesterday went well. I went out with Heather. Then, she talks to Dan and makes him come...I was like...whoa! DAN IS CRAZY! I was a mess when she told me he was coming. I didn't feel prepared. lol. I couldn't move or breathe, I was a nervous wreck. Dan gives me the worst nervous feeling in the pit of my stomache. *butterfiles* I could barely get out of the car. I peeked out and saw him standing right in front of me. He was really nice to me. I think it went ok. I didn't feel like myself, I get really shy. We went to the field and looked up at the sky. I love stargazing more than anything! I felt terrible making Heather talk to him, I'm the one who likes him, I should've talked more. lol. When I finally decided to open my mouth, I calmed down alittle. I was sad when he left. :( If I could go back, I'd do it all differently...*hehe* Dan was alittle upset that I was extremely tall. I hope he didn't regret driving all of that way. Nothing against Dan(I LOVE HIM!)...I need an ego boost. lol...ok...here it is. I don't care what other people think of me. If I did, it would just get me down. I'm always gonna be me, and if someone has a problem with that they are just...DUMB! Both of my parents are bigger, and its not my fault that I'm not skinny. I LOVE MYSELF! Its not my fault! I can do something about my weight, but it would just be harder. I barely eat anything, but when I do it goes right to my hips. lol. Ok, I'm done. Dan and I hugged a lot, I didn't want to be too clingy, because I know he isn't like that. *wink wink* When he left, I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek...twice! lol. The only bad thing about me giving him a kiss...was my tacky lip gloss! LOL. I left a mark on his cheek. *sorry!* I hope he still feels the same way about me, like it was before he met me in person. Dan, YOU'RE SO DAMN HOT! lol. *flirt flirt* I hope I see him again soon! If its ok with him, I'd just like to say that I'm going to wait until the next time I see him, and get my first kiss, DAMN IT! LOL. I am going to be patient. Its not that hard to wait when the person you are waiting for is totally worth every second that you've spent thinking about them. lol. I hope he feel the same. I'm just...*smitten!*

Obsessions- Night Club

2005-03-25T11:23:00.000-08:00

All yesterday, I had something to do! It was actually really surprising. Around 12 I went to Kevin's house for a band practice. We got things done, then we watch "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." I love that movie. lol. I left around 5. We dropped off Zack and then came back to my place. I went online until 7:15. Then, Courtney, Kelly, and Heather come over. Heather calls Obsessions and asks whats going on. We went to their blackout party. It costed 12 bucks, but it was worth it. I SHOOK MY BON BON! lol. The lights were so annoying, UHG! I wanted to shoot myself in the head, they had those strobe lights. I like them but not the way they used them, AMATEURS! All of the really pretty girls there...THEY WERE SMOKING! I was upset, they are going to get wrinkley very soon. They probably derserve it though, they were being so forward with every single spanish guy in the club. lol. These two girls were dancing right next to us, and Heather grabs me and starts dancing with me. lol. She was like...LETS SHOW THOSE SPANISH GIRLS WHAT WHITE GIRLS CAN DO! lol. We were there for awhile. Afterward, we went to go visit Heather Ex, Philippe. All of us stayed in the car and made them come out. lol. He brought his cousin. THEY WERE SCARY! AHHH! Philppe is a 5'2 Spanish guy. lol. They came too close to the car window. Kelly and Courtney had to get home, so we first dropped off Kelly. Then, we went to Quick Check to get a drink. I really think that we all turned Courtney into a perv. lol. She was acting like a walking hormone! After we sat there and talked to Philippe and Joe, she liked Philippe. LOL. I was like...COURTNEY, HE IS 23! Philippe called again and told Heather and I to go back to Dover and go see him. I didn't really want to go back, they made me uncomfortable, but I wouldn't leave Heather alone. She didn't really even want to go back, she did it because she didn't want to hurt him, I guess. When we got there, Heather got out of the car and did "her thing" with Philippe. I was like...O MY GOSH! I was just sitting in the car thinking to myself...PLEASE DO NOT LET JOE COME TO MY WINDOW! Never have I ever had a Spanish guy talk to two girls while he was trying to get busy with only one of them. lol. Heather told him where we were going, the view in Dover, and he wanted to come, but luckly he didn't. So we drove up to the view, and I got all excited. lol. Then, for like 3 hours, Heather and I had a long talk about guys. lol. I didn't know how to help her with her guy problems, I've never had a boyfriend. lol. I tried. The view was AMAZING! The moon shone so bright! I saw Leo Minor! There were only a few stars in sight, but it was still BREATH TAKING! I have to take pictures! My parents called me so many times! I winded up home at 2 in the morning. I don't usually do things like this a lot. I'm glad I went to a club and got it out of my system. Through this experience I figured out that its only good every once in awhile. I think I've had enough freedom to last me a long time. I'm ready to be tied back down and go back to my life, which, right now, revolves around doing good in school. I'm not the type of person to be wild all of the time. Its just not me.

PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY WITH BACON!!!

2005-03-22T22:28:00.000-08:00

I just got finished with my final Catholic class. It was alright. I don't mind going at all. The kids are terrible for the teachers, and these teachers volunteer their free time to lead us into confirmation. All of those "highschool" students, *shudder* were acting totally ingnorant. We couldn't get through many stories in the bible, they were acting so balmy. They kept taking advantage of those sweet, benevolent people. Watching them made me feel terrible. I wanted to scream at them and tell them to grow up! Disrespecting someone is sick and no one deserves to be treated with such insolence. Immature people bother me. I'm not saying that I'm perfect (cause no one is), I'm just trying to make the communtity I live in a more genial place. I'm only one person, I hope to rub off on others, and just stand out. I want people to see my independence. I don't take the bad things the world offers. Religion is very important to me and it doesn't come highly appreciated to be slandered about it. There will always be people who are like that. People should love people for who they are on the inside and what they fight for. Are they benefitting you? Are they a good influence? Do they respect you? Do they comfort you in times of need? Choose wisely. I had to learn that the hard way. Believe me, I've changed. I was under a huge spell, my friends put images and expectations into my head. All I thought about was how much I wanted to fit in and impress the specific group of people that I wanted to hang with. ITS NOT WORTH IT! You only live once, live life to the fullest! Don't let things get you down! Be yourself and if people don't like it...THEY ARE THE ONES WITH THE PROBLEM! This took me awhile to develope that state of mind, and I'm not going to lie, its not easy. But in the long run, its worth the time and effort. I'm happy and I have friends who love and care for me. The bottom line is, if you are a jerk, GROW UP, and if you are like me, GOD BLESS YOU! Pray about it, and never stop going for your goal. I could talk about this for hours and hours and connect many things to my own life. Live your life the way that is best for you. Get help with your spiritual walk, he is never to busy to talk. *winks* YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
Lol, now that I'm done being side tracked..........I'll talk about my day today, and then you can guess what led me into the huge spiel on life. lol. The day started out pretty good. I woke up sooooo tired! I guess I'm just exhausted from the week. I had Algebra first, its fun, we are working on rational equations. I was so tired, that I started to snooze alittle. It wasn't noticeable, my eyelids just felt heavy. I didn't miss anything. After Algebra, I had GERMAN! WHOO HOO, GO FRAU!!!! I love German. The class is so much fun! I learn a lot! I have 100s in that class for the first two quarters and I plan to get 100s for the rest of the year! Its not hard at all to get a 100, you just have to apply yourself *cough, cough...ALAINA!* lol. Next was gym class.... YEA BABY! That was also a blast. We are in the middle of a volleyball tournament and my team is in first place. Mr. Sabo (awesome guy!) called out team "Kibble and Bits" lol. I don't dread gym like all of the other girls, I see it as a time not to have to sit in a desk for and hour and a half! While me and a couple other friends had a cool conversation about God and christianity while we were waiting for the bell to ring in gym. To thank me, I guess he put a dollar in my pocket, I reached in and found it! lol. Band was the last class I have. MS, my teacher, was so funny! He is the coolest teacher(BESIDES FRAU!)!! That was my day! lol. I had fun!

QUESTIONS!! YAY!!!

2005-03-20T21:57:00.000-08:00

[ CURRENT .. ]-
Current Clothes: blues jeans and red marching band t-shirt
Current Mood: HAPPY!!!!
Current Music: Daddy Yankee "Gasolina"
Current Taste: nothing
Current Make-up: The whole nine yards! Foundation, eyeliner, mascara, blush, eye shadow, and lip gloss!
Current Hair: I just curled it today! hehe
Current Smell: AIR!!! I LOVE IT, ITS FREE!!!
Current thing I ought to be doing: DANCING!
Current Desktop Picture: Dave Grohl, I'm almost over him. Why should I think about a married guy who is 20 years older than me???
Current Favorite Artist: Jeremy Camp
Current Favorite Group: I love FIVE IRON FRENZY! Even though they broke up. lol
Current Book: "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen"
Current CD in CD Player: JESSIE DANIELS!!!
Current tape in VCR: UHG! *shudder*.......Spongebob lol
Current Color Of Toenails: Baby Blue
Current Refreshment: CARDBOARD! Its less calories! lol
Current Worry: I'm mostly worried about change. My life made a 180 degree turn. I'm just anxious to know whats ahead.

[LAST..]
Thing Touched: *secret!*
Person talked to: my mommy!
Person Hugged: Heather
Instant Message: Dan
Person you yelled at: myself......FOR BREAKING OUT!!! lol. It sucked so bad!
Person you kissed: *never been kissed*

[ FAVORITE .. ]
Foods: pizza!!!
Drink: MOUNTAIN DEW!!!
Color: Orange and Blue
Album: Jessie Daniels EP
Shoes: Adidas
Candy: KIT KATS!
Animal: Koala Bears *so CUTE!*
TV Show: I don't watch a whole lot of TV, but maybe......Saturday Night Live or Whose Line is it anyway? Anything funny
Song: "When You Say You Love Me" by Josh Groban *tearz*
Vegetable: CARROTS!!
Fruit: Strawberries, kiwis, and bananas
Cartoon: South Park??? I love Eric Cartman!! RESPECT MY AUTHORITY!!

[ WHO DO YOU WANT TO .. ]-
Kill: NO ONE! I LOVE YOU ALL!!
Not Kill: Didn't I already make it clear?? I don't want to kill anyone!! GEEZ!
Slap: The person who made this up!
Get High With: I don't do drugs! hehe
Tickle: Jim
Look Like: JANET RENO!!! lol JK!. I'm happy with the way I look! If anyone has a problem with that.........YOU SUCK! SO, HA!
Talk To Offline: This is a given! I think we all know who I want to talk to offline. lol. He knows who he is *wink wink!*

[HAVE YOU EVER ..]-
Been kissed?: I hope to be kissed soon! ANYDAY NOW! lol
Done Drugs?: Nope!
Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: UHG! nah, I couldn't do that. I'd get sick!
Been on stage?: YES! I LOVE IT! I've been on stage for most of my life. I danced for 10 years and I've been in many many school plays. Acting would be a cool career, but I'd rather be an art teacher, its more........DO-ABLE? lol
Dumped Someone?: I've never had a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend hasn't crossed my mind, just until recently. *wink wink*
Gotten in a car accident?: no, thank goodness!

[ FAVORITE .. ]
Shampoo?: Herbal Essence Shampoo!
Soap?: Irish Spring!
Room in your house?: Of course, my room! ITS LIKE SO.....ME!!!! lol.
Instrument?: All of the ones I play! Guitar(bass), piano, drums, and flute!!

[ EITHER/OR .. ]-
Coffee or hot chocolate?: Coffee
Big or little?: BIG!
Lace or satin?: Satin
New or old?: New
Vogue or Cosmopolitan?: NIETHER! Magazines put dumb images into young girl's heads! I don't care about any of that stuff.
Jeans or cords?: JEANS! all of the way
Sweater or sweatshirt?: sweatshirt! its comfy and cute! lol
T-shirt or tank top?: Even in Winter, I would have to go with the tank top.
Skirt or dress?: Skirt
Wool or cotton?: cotton
Rose or Lily?: rose
Oldies or pop?: I'd go with Oldies. Pop songs now talk too much about sex! Britney Spears? I won't even go there.
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Right now I don't have a boyfriend. Anything could happen. I can't wait until I find the person that was meant for me........*blush!* I hope its who I think it is. *crossing fingers*.....Dave Grohl? lol JK!
Do you have a best friend?: I have many friends! I have one best friend.
Been in love?: *confused by love* lol. Yes, I am. lol.

[ IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU .. ]-
Cried?: yes, Heather wouldn't let me sleep. lol.
Helped someone?: I try to help anyone who needs help!
Bought something?: Yes, bracelets from Spencers. Funky store, they have edible underwear. lol.
Gotten sick?: Not really. I just broken out! GRRR!
Gone to the movies?: nope
Gone out for dinner?: I went out to dinner with Heather! We had some delicious cardboard! lol.
Said "I love you"?: YES!!! *wink wink!*
Written a real letter?: nope
Moved on?: I'm actually moving forward. I want it to stay this way! I'm making little changes.
Talked to an ex?: *never had a boyfriend*
Talked to someone you have a crush on?: YUP!
Had a serious talk?: Yes, with Heather....about *the nasty* lol. It was funny watching her trying to talk to me about it.
Missed someone?: HOPELESSLY! YES!
Hugged someone?: Hugs cure anything! I love hugs! Not from Marcus lol. He squeezes me too hard. Gentle hugs are fabulous!
Kissed someone?: nope
Been kissed?: nope
Fought with your parents?: yes, I was messing with them lol
Fought with a friend?: nope

[ DO YOU .. ]-
Wear eye shadow?: of course....Ashley needs to look sexy lol
Put on a "front"?: nope
Have a crush on someone?: DUH!
Eat with your mouth open?: Never. I don't care if other people do it, but I just don't do it.
If you got a tattoo, where would you get it?: Probably something cute, around my ankle
What color is your floor/carpet in your room?: UHG! pink! lol
How did you spend last summer?: At my summer house I'm Vernon. I went to mountain creek a few times.
When's the last time you showered?: I love showers! Hot ones! I showered this morning and I'm gonna shower again tonight. :)
Are you lonely?: Alittle, I'm by myself :(. The voices inside my head keep me company, though. lol. JK!
Are you happy?: OF COURSE! BEING HAPPY IS AWESOME!! I have so much to be thankful for, and I'm alive and well......AND BREATHING!!!
Are you wearing pajamas?: nope.
Are you talking to someone online?: Nope, Dan isn't on. lol.

CHEEPISH!!!

2005-03-19T15:35:00.000-08:00

Last night was fun. I went to the mall with Sara and Heather. Pool would've been better, but they didn't want to do that. We dropped of Sara at 9:30 and then Heather came over to my place. She stayed here until 1 in the morning BS-ing with me.lol. Going to the mall was something to do. My life isn't so eventful. Today, I did nothing. I stayed in bed until about 12, then I woke up brushed my teeth, cleaned my face, did my make up, and curled my hair. I have nothing better to do. Although, I was thinking about writing a poem or maybe even going to the library to get a few books. I love going there! I could stay in the library or any other book store for hours! I love to read and learn new things. Anywayz, today is very cheepish!!!! I have so many mixed emotions I don't know what to do. I'm a little upset and happy, nervous, anxious, playful, and hyper at the same time. I think Heather is feeling worse than me.lol. She is going to meet this guy she is in love with tonight. I wish her luck! Sometimes I think that she is afraid of being alone. I wouldn't understand that, I've never had a boyfriend before. I'm not upset about that, I guess I can wait. Heather might just be feeling vulnerable. She just got over a 2 1/2 year relationship with Matt. If I where her, I'd think I'd be afraid to try again, but that's just me. I wouldn't want to get hurt and I hope she doesn't get hurt tonight! Pray for me, I'm a little confused with things. I never delt with some of this stuff before. All of it gives me a nervous, shaky feeling in the pit of my stomach.

3/17/05

2005-03-17T16:30:00.000-08:00

HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY!!!!! I just think its a lame excuse for people to get drunk. But, o well, be safe and don't drink and drive. lol. Today was very tiring! I woke up this morning and went to school with my sister. I know I didn't get enough sleep, I was so tired!!!! I hit my snooze button. lol. No matter what time I go to bed, I still am very tired when I wake up. Usually I get up at 10 on the weekends. I don't like to waste the weekends. Anywayzzzzz, I did my presentation for MMW 3rd block and I hope I got a good grade. *crossing fingers* The rest of the day was pretty good. Art class was fun! I love it! I'm starting a new piece, its of the night sky. I can't wait until I can see the finished product. Winter drumline is tonight. I'm getting my drum back because someone quit. I feel....GREAT! lol. I'm not happy that it had to happen this way though. Jimbo wants me to do the drums again, he is so supportive!!!! I LOVE JIMBO!!! Thats all that happened today. Yesterday night was the BEST night I've had in awhile. I went out with Heather and GOT OUT OF HERE! I felt so free! I WAS ABLE TO BREATHE!!!We stopped the car and got out of the car while we were driving around because the view was AMAZING! We were on top of a cliff in Dover. lol. I could see miles away and there were so many lights. It was like something out of a movie, but better cause I was actually there! We decided to go to the Rockaway Billiards tommorrow. I haven't played real pool in months, but its ok, I still have my magic. lol. I'll be with her the whole weekend. We are thinking about going to Obsessions this weekend together. I want to go there so bad! It will be my first club experience. There are so many things I haven't done. lol.

30 FLIRTY AND THRIVING!!!

2005-03-15T21:00:00.000-08:00

UHG! I wanna be 21 already! The years aren't going by fast enough. I already have plans down for my 21st birthday. I think ahead. lol I have the maturity to be older. I guess I just am longing to be liberated from this small town. I feel so tied down. My age holds me back from everything that I could think of doing that is fun. I don't want to do anything illegal, I just want to see what its like from a different perspective. I want to be able to drive out and go somewhere! BUST OUT OF HERE! I feel like my life is like a broken record, it repeats, and gets annoying. People tell me all of the time that I shouldn't wish my life away. They tell me to be happy in highschool because I don't need to work or pay bills. Well, I love them all and I know that they care, but I'd like to experience things on my own. How can someone not want something they never had before? Something good, that is, of interest to someone. I find it impossible. Drinking isn't really the reason that I want to be 21, believe it or not. I guess that I want to feel legal!

Messed up day

2005-03-14T23:51:00.000-08:00

Today was pretty wierd. I was happy, yet, terrible things happened. First, I got hit in the boob with a volleyball in gym! Alright, I'll deal with it. I moved on. Then, I had an evaluation and I got totally nervous and freaked out. I was so mad. I know I could've done better. UHG! I'm just trying to get through the days without and humiliation.